How to Make a Big Change (Even When You Are Afraid)

Change isn’t always good.

But sometimes we get so hung up on this one thing, that if we don’t do it, we stop making progress in life.

In that case, you should do it, but sometimes fear gets in the way so we stay stuck.

I know the feeling, but I can help you.

Here are the four ways to make a big change.

  1. An emotional crisis (you don’t want this)
  2. Create a deadline that puts pressure on you
  3. Simplify and reduce the change
  4. Introduce an x-factor in your environment

An emotional crisis

This is when the shit hits the fan. And this happens to be how most people go about making a big change in their lives.

You don’t want to take this route.

First, the experience is one that sucks and might even emotionally scar you.

Second, you really can’t force this to happen. Even if you try to pick a fight with someone, the resulting fight might still not give you the emotional charge you need to make a big change.

An emotional crisis has to naturally come up, so it really isn’t an option you can choose.

Create a deadline that puts pressure on you

This is the option I recommend for almost everyone.

It is simple and is one of the best strategies you can do.

You define a date, but it has to put some type of pressure on you.

For example, you let people know about the deadline, so now you have social pressure.

Or, you put money on the line. For instance, buy a nonrefundable ticket to go somewhere.

Again, this is probably the best option for you, but if your plan can’t be told to anyone else and doesn’t really involve money there are some other ways.

Simplify and reduce the change

Just focus on just taking that next step.

A lot of times we don’t take action because we build up in our minds the change we need to make.

It becomes overwhelming so we procrastinate. We need to simplify the change.

But how do you simplify?

That’s a hard question to answer. It really depends completely on your situation. I would suggest you ask yourself if the problem is really as difficult as you are making it.

Do you really need to move across the country to find yourself? Or do you just need to find a new group of friends?

Do you have to become a cold approach master? Or do you just need to live a slightly more active social life?

Hopefully, once you ponder the question, you’ll get some ideas.

Introduce an x-factor in your environment

This is an interesting one.

So you’ve been meaning to make this change, but you keep backing out. So you are now following a pattern/habit.

You need to change your environment to help push you to take action.

Here is an example from my personal life. I was once into the whole pickup artist scene. One of the big things they talked about was going out a lot, which usually means going out alone sometimes.

Now I’ve been to clubs before with other people, but going on my own felt so nerve-racking. At most, I could drive by the clubs, but I couldn’t get myself to go in.

After failing so many times, I finally came up with a plan. I bought a roll of aluminum foil, covered all my windows (it was pitch black in my room), and went to bed around 5:00 pm. I had my alarm wake me up at midnight and I was full of energy (maybe even a little bit horny). I was pumped.

I drove out to the clubs. The nervousness was worse than ever, but I powered through and went in. After that, going to the clubs solo was never a problem for me.

So by throwing in a new variable, an x-factor, to my daily pattern, I was able to push myself to make the change I wanted.

But you should keep in mind this is one of the hardest ways to go about creating change.

Why? Because even with a new variable it still relies a great deal on willpower to get over your fear.


You might find there was never a need to make this big change in your life, but like I said, you may need to do it so you can realize this and move on.

Don’t let yourself get stuck in a rut. Use your head instead.

Setting a date that puts pressure on you is probably the easiest and the quickest way to get things done. If not, then try to simplify the change or introduce a new variable to the equation.

It’s your life. Don’t let fear get the best of you.

P.S. In hindsight, I think the easiest way to make a big change is to discuss with someone close to you about what you plan on doing. This will start a dialogue, start the real planning phase, and put social pressure on you. Don't plan things alone.

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